Catch Up

I've not been around much full time work and a little one don't leave a lot of time however I seem to spend a lot of time on the internet wasting time!  Well the anti-depressants seem to be working I haven't cried at work for a while now although  I haven't had to teach the class from hell for a while due to their teacher being off sick so that could have helped.

Olivia is 13 months old her birthday was great I couldn't believe how excited I was for someone elses birthday and I am beginning to become excited about Christmas for her.  She is an absolute delight - she walks and jabbers all day.  She is fascinated by electronic things and if she could write a letter to Santa it would include an ipod touch, a mobile that lights up not like the old one without a battery! (She managed to unlock my phone today and call daddy!) a remote control and a laptop!

I was worried with going back to work I would miss lots of her firsts but as far as I know the only first I missed was her rolling, she has been kind enough to learn to crawl and walk when Mummy has been around.  She has also recently learnt to roar when she sees a lion or a tiger.  She is completely unimpressed by all the snow we have had a bit like me really although it did give me 2 extra days off at the beginning of the month.

Now I plan to enjoy my break and want to wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year x

I did it!

Today I took a big step and finally went to the doctor to admit I was struggling.  I have spent the past few months hoping it would go away and telling myself to pull myself together.  However when I arrived at my mums to drop off O this morning in tears I had to admit to her how I have been feeling and she made me call the doctor to make an appointment.

So this morning I went to see the doctor and explained how I felt - I filled in a questionnaire and the doctor agreed that I was depressed - not majorly but enough to warrant a small dose of anti-depressants.

I don't know how I feel having admitted it  but I hope this is the start of things improving and me becoming myself again.

It's been a while!

Firstly apologies for not being around for a while time is flying by and to be honest I am finding it tough being a Mummy and working full time.  I am exhausted a lot of the time.  I have a few posts that I need to write so will try and do those over the next few days/weeks.

I'm on a funny place at the moment and I'm worrying myself.  So I am hoping if I write things down I can get a new perspective on things.

So things have been stressful we had Ofsted visit at the end of last term so it was all very hectic and stressful at work - I haven't posted about it until the official report was out (on the website today I think) any way we scrapped a satisfactory which is quite impressive as by the middle of day 1 of a 2 day inspection the inspectors were thinking of putting us into special measures!  The whole school worked extremely hard and I was the only teacher to not be observed so I had two days of waiting to be observed and it never happened!  I hardly saw my family for 5/6 days and after the inspectors had gone I just wanted to sleep!

Talking of my job this is something that I think is affecting my mental state at the moment - I love doing Reading Recovery which I do every morning the 1-1 teaching is great and the children are making great progress and are lovely.  However I hate hate hate what I do in the afternoon - I release the other teachers so they can do PPA or have some time for the subjects the co-ordinate etc.  So I am effectively a supply teacher in the afternoon (this is how the children view me) and the behaviour I have to deal with is appalling and it is knocking my confidence - I taught an extremely tough class full time for 2 years before I went on maternity leave so I know I can do it so why can't I teach a class of children for an afternoon without a fight breaking out?  One class in particular I find incredibly tough and I know their teacher does now.  The last day before the holidays I spent in tears at the thought of teaching them I was so bad I got sent home from work as I just couldn't face the class.

Which brings me on to my next point I seem to be close to tears a lot of the time - why am I allowing my job to affect me so much? I thought it was pmt as it seems that for the past couple of months I have spent the day before my period started in tears.  But recently it has been other times of the month and a lot of the time I have no idea why I am feeling so sad - Sometimes I just want to stay in bed and ignore that I have a gorgeous, funny and delightful daughter and a wonderful husband.  It is all too much effort! Is it exhaustion or is it something else?  Do I just need to pull myself together and get on with it and stop being so silly?

I'm sorry if this is a ramble but as I said at the start I needed to get it out in the hope I can start to feel better.

Inspection!

So we have had the phonecall at school - the inspectors are coming to visit.  All hands on deck since the phone call last Friday - most staff in over the weekend and late tonight getting the school ready for our visitors.  Take us as we are we work extremely hard with some difficult children, but that's not enough for Ofsted we have to prove how hard we work and how much paperwork we are doing and how we are using it to inform our planning, teaching etc.  I can't write much more, no time, no energy, no idea what to write.  Maybe once the visitors have left maybe I can write a bit more but only after I have slept.

Poorly sick!

We have been very lucky so far with Olivia and not had any major illnesses the occasional cold but nothing more. However it appears she is like her mummy and when she gets a cough she takes ages to get rid of it. Last time we ended up with simple linctus to help her shift it.

Anyway a few weeks ago she had a cold with coincided with getting her tooth this also came with a cough - a vapouriser in the bed room helped us to deal with this. I know it is suggested to raise one end of the cot but Olivia wiggles so much that she ends up sideways often at the top or bottom of the cot so raising one end won't work with her. We thought we had shifted the cold but now she is off her food and not drinking as much milk and that horrible cough is back so much so she threw up in the car the other day so I had to clean the car seat cover and figure out how to remove it and put it back on! She has managed to be sick at least once a day since and now she is weaned it is horrible - I'm not good with sick but have been surprised at how well I have coped.

Now I am back at work I have to rely on others to tell me how my daughter is and I know she has had a temperature at times this week as well. Anyway today I have been home alone with her as Mr T is on a long overnight shift so is at work for 24 hours. The only time Olivia has let me put her down today has been when she has had a nap! This isn't like my independent little girl who can get annoyed if you interrupt her playing! She has snuggled on my lap and watched the tv or played with her toys on my lap but woe betide if you try and put her on the floor to play. She did have a 2 hour nap this afternoon (unheard of since the newborn days!)maybe that was the calpol.

She is now in her cot fast asleep hopefully until the morning. Anyway I am blaming teeth for all this but how long do I leave it before taking her to the doctors?

A new start

Term started on Wednesday with the children starting yesterday. It felt weird not having a class to greet and I still don't have a base so am camped out in the staff room carry my belongings to and fro in the car - this is quite hard when I have the pushchair in there as well! I spent Wednesday listening to other teachers discussing what their plans for their classes are and yesterday I spent stamping books and doing my homework ready for my course today (typical had a whole holiday to do my homework and leave it until the day before!).

I found the reading I had to do very difficult as it just didn't make sense - Luckily today we have had the opportunity to discuss and so things are a lot clearer now.

My training will take a whole year with courses one afternoon every fortnight - I am training whilst doing the job and can't wait to get on with this fantastic opportunity. I will hopefully be having a huge impact on some of the lowest ability children (often the hardest to teach). It is going to be very intense and a steep learning curve for both me and the pupils I end up working with but I am ready for this challenge.

When not doing Reading Recovery (every morning) I will be teaching a range of whole classes throughout the school allowing the other teachers to have their much needed time to plan, prepare and assess. It will be great to work across the school and get to know a wide range of children.

Now how do I fit in all my studying as well as be a good mummy?

Teeth

We have teeth - finally! Olivia is nine and a half months and the last of her friends to get teeth. I know some babies don't get teeth until later and I was in no rush for Olivia to get hers however if one more person expressed surprise that she didn't have any I'm not sure what I would have done. So Olivia decides to get her own back and her 2 bottom teeth have come through at the same time. At least I think she has whenever I try to look she either clamps her mouth shut or sticks her tongue out over her gums!

It wasn't without a struggle she seems to develop and cold and a cough when she is teething and sleep goes to pot, she was even crying in her sleep the other night (heart breaking). Hopefully this will improve again and I will get my smiling happy little girl back just in time for the school term to start again and me to go back to work.

On a positive she is also crawling (One of the things I wanted to achieve before the end of the summer holidays). She crawls with one knee on the floor and the other foot on the floor - apparently this is because she crawls from sitting position rather than from being on her belly! She doesn't move fast but she gets where she wants and when she gets an idea in her head there is no distracting her! Current favourites are Daddy's PS3 controllers and the laptop wire!

I'm hoping that we see no more teeth for a while now she has proved she can grow them lol!

Slinging

This week Mr T has been on holiday from work and so we have been on lots of day trips. We spent a lovely day on Wednesday (our wedding anniversary)at our reception venue. Olivia had fun looking at the animals and playing in the playground. That evening Mr T surprised me by having booked a babysitter (my lovely sister) and took me out to dinner. It was lovely to spend some time together without the distraction of laptops or PlayStations! Although we spent a lot of time talking about Olivia!

The following day we drove up to Greenwich and took the tube to Waterloo to meet Mr T's friend who is visiting from South Africa. I decided that I couldn't face fighting the crowds with a pushchair so we put Olivia in the Beco Butterfly and I carried her on my front for the day. It was really comfortable and Olivia even managed a small nap (she gave up sleeping in a sling at a very young age!). It meant that we could wander around London easily and when we went to the aquarium daddy could carry her and she could see all the fish up close rather than at pushchair level. She was completely in awe of the fish and was a delight all day.

Olivia spent most of the day charming the tourists and even had a violinist in Covent Garden playing to her. I was even offered a seat on the tube! I was a bit worried about carrying her all day thinking I would really struggle but was pleasantly surprised at how comfortable she was and how calm she was in there.

Today we have spent the day at home recovering from the past two days of excitement!

3 Years

Tomorrow is our 3rd wedding anniversary. In some ways it seems like we have been married for longer but I'm also unsure where the time has gone!

Our wedding day was the only dry day of the summer we got married at the registry office (The Archbishops Palace ) and then had our reception at the Museum of Kent Life

The day was filled with lots of laughter and it was one of the best days of my life. The highlight of the day was travelling to the reception on a boat along the river. It was the perfect opportunity to talk to our guests on the hour trip and spend time together catching up on the morning activities while we had been getting ready.

We had many friends come and share our day including ones that had travelled from Australia and South Africa (Mr T is South African. It was lovely to look around and know everybody in the room and watch as they chatted and enjoyed themselves.

The only problem we had was Mr T's mother who was in a grump and refused to be in any photos and a lot more but I won't bore you with the details. It didn't ruin our day and she was the only one who didn't enjoy herself.

I can honestly say the past 3 years have been great although since having Olivia it has been hard work finding time for each other amongst the chaos that is our life! I love Mr T more now than I ever did he is a great husband and a brilliant dad. Lets hope we have many more happy years to come.

Tomorrow we are going to take Olivia and visit the Museum of Kent Life again as it has recently been revamped. I am looking forward to our day together as a family celebrating and reminiscing.

Holidays!

My first school holiday since becoming a mummy! It is amazing how much Olivia has changed since I returned to work 7 weeks ago - she can now clap, blow kisses, eat peas (pincer grip is developing well!) and is really beginning to giggle at her daddy and me! When choosing a book at nursery she leafs through the books and pulls out he one she wants, she tries to sing along to songs on the radio (how long can I get away with not putting nursery rhymes on!)
What I hope to achieve before the 1st September:
1. Lots of fun with Olivia
2. Have a crawling baby - she is so close but is also beginning to pull herself up to standing as well. Not that she needs to crawl as she seems to be able to move quite well on her bottom.
3. Baby proof the house or at least get a playpen (any recommendations they seem very expensive)
4. Put up shelves in Olivia's room for her christening presents (she was christened in February!)
5. Catch up with some mummy friends for tea and cake!

I'm really looking forward to catching up with my little girl and spending lots of time with her. It's going to be strange being a full time mummy again but I'm up for the challenge and looking forward to not having to rush around in the morning getting Olivia and I ready for the day so we can stay in our pj's if we want!

Life after maternity leave

So being back at work has changed life dramatically - there are no more sneaky afternoon naps with Olivia, no more picnics or walks with other mums and babies and no more wasting time watching my daughter as she discovers new skills. Not during the week anyway, the weekends however are different swimming on Saturdays means we meet up with some other mummy friends who have also returned to work so we can compare stories! It also means we can play in bed together rather than me getting up and getting ready for work hoping she doesn't wake until I am ready to feed her and give her morning cuddles.

In the three weks I have been back Olivia has changed so much she is such a smiley girl who has just learnt to clap - if you say clap she waves her arms up and down and then claps! She is also saying "dadada" repeatedly and we are getting so many more smiles and giggles at random things. We used to have to work very hard for these.

Work is manic and I never reallt know what I am doing from one day to the next but the days go so quickly and soon it will be the summer holidays. back to afternoon naps, eeting friends and generally having lots of fun with Olivia.

Back to work!

I have just completed my first week back after maternity leave - Olivia is now 7 months old. As my previous post I had a mixture of emotions but I survived. I'm tired but it feels like I have never been away.

I arrived at school on the first day not knowing what I would be doing turns out no one else knew what I was doing as nobody had heard if the teacher that had been off sick was returning or not! However as she wasn't in and is usually one of the first in we assumed she was still off sick - so I enter the year 4 classroom - I have taught this class for the past 2 years so I know what I'm in for - no planning. First day back and I have to teach off the cuff and then go home and plan the rest of the week.

End of the school day then have staff meeting it appears lots of decisions have been made whilst I have been off and the good news is I have been offered the job out of class running the reading recovery program and covering some PPA teaching science (my specialism. This is what I wanted and I'm really pleased that I can develop my career in this way.

This week has been tough - long hours, bad behaviour and catching up but it has been worth it to see how excited Olivia is when I walk through the door at night. She has been very well behaved for her daddy and is taking her formula milk like a pro and has even managed to only wake once at night the past 2 nights!

Daddy is tired and has admitted he didn't realise how tiring it would be looking after a 7 month old. He is however loving spending time with his daughter without me interfering.

Now a lovely weekend to spend as much time as I an with my beautiful girl before the whirlwind starts again next week.

Nearly all over

So this is my last week of maternity leave. I start back as a full time teacher as of Tuesday. How do I feel?

Well I'm OK about returning to work, I don't think I'm cut out to be a full time stay at home mum although I am envious of those that are and admire how hard it is. I'm going to miss meeting up with my mummy friends although there are three of us returning to work at the same time. I am also sad that other people will be spending more time with Olivia than me and possibly seeing her crawl, walk, talk etc. before me. She has changed so much in the past few months and is an absolute pleasure to be with her smiles and giggles melt my heart and I really am going to miss these.

Going to nursery will allow Olivia to watch and learn from other children. She has been going for one afternoon a week for a while now so she is quite use to the environment and it is a bonus that my sister is her key worker. The other days she will either spend with Daddy, Grandma or my other sister - so she will be cared for by people who love her but it's not me! I have to let go and trust that she will be OK and they will respect our wishes about how we want Olivia to be looked after.

The next few weeks are going to be easier because Mr T has two weeks off so he can look after Olivia then we start getting into what will become normal life. We are lucky in that the nursery will work round Mr T's shifts and also do term time only so I can spend as much time as I want with Olivia during the school holidays.

So I am ready to return to work and get stuck into teaching again how I will cope with the workload as well as being a Mummy I'm not sure but teaching for me now is a job rather than a career. I have to wait until I go back to find out what I am teaching as it all depends on whether one of the teachers is back off sick leave or not. If she is not back I will be teaching her class if she is back I will be team teaching with the great teacher who did my maternity cover. I like the idea of this as I think I could learn an awful lot from this teacher and we could do some great creative projects with the children.

So how am I feeling? Sad, apprehensive, excited, jealous and many other emotions all at the same time - is this normal?

Getting out

So the weather has improved recently and as returning to work is imminent I have decided to get out and about during term time while I can because soon we will only be able to go during school holidays when it is busy.

On Sunday we went for a lovely walk through the bluebell woods (such a lovely fragrance). I carried Olivia in her Close sling and we had a lovely time looking around and being entertained by my niece and nephew and their friends. It was lovely to spend some time with Mr T as well and enjoy a picnic together.

Thursday we went for a lovely picnic with other mums from my NCT classes and we were able to try out our new sun tent. It's great meeting up with the other mums as we all have babies around the same age but do things so differently. We are generally supportive of each others choices and relish in all the babies achievements.

Today I decided that as Olivia and I were on our own all day we would go for a drive and see where we ended up. So after a quick visit to the breastfeeding group we got in the car and off we went along the M2 towards the coast. I saw the sign for Druidstone Wildlife Park and after a few wrong turns eventually found it. The car park was more or less empty so was a bit concerned it was closed but no it was just quiet.

I put Olivia in her pushchair paid my entry fee and off we went to explore. It is only a small park with some cows, deer, peacocks, chickens etc. So not a great range bit for a 6 month old baby it was fine. There was also a donkey wandering free who came up for a stroke and luckily ignored Olivia in her pushchair. We (I) had a lovely time wandering through even more bluebells in their enchanted forest complete with unicorn, dragon and Hobbits house. The animals were quite friendly although I'm not keen on peacocks but was very brave when one came over while we were eating our lunch.

Now we are home and all the fresh air has worn Olivia out who is currently napping in her pushchair under her new snoozeshade.

Everything changes or does it?

So I went into school today to liaise with my maternity cover ready for me to return next month. Olivia spent the day at nursery with her fantastic auntie Gemma. Whilst I was at school I sorted out the paperwork to apply for childcare vouchers and also caught up on some of the gossip!

I also had a chat with the head teacher who had a few things she wanted to discuss with me. the first being that one of the teachers has been signed of sick for 2 weeks but maybe for longer and so when I come back I may be teaching her class instead of going back to my class - fair enough I know the class well enough I have already taught them for 2 years - however if the teacher comes back I will be team teaching with my maternity cover and I guess a floating teacher to cover any sickness!

She then moved on to talking about next year, any primary school teacher will know this time of year thoughts turn to what will happen in September and what year group we would quite like to teach. We mentally analyse year groups which are challenges and which seem like lovely classes. What years shall I put as my choices. My only request usually is not year R and year 6! I don't mind any other year group. Well I wasn't asked this today I was asked if I would perhaps like to come out of class and do 2 part-time jobs to make a full time contract. One part would be as the cover teacher for the senior teacher release time and the year 6 booster class teacher, the other part of the job would be to become a reading recovery teacher. This was a bit of a shock as I thought they had already decided that the teacher doing my maternity cover would do this.

So now I have a dilemma do I stick to what I know and have my own class or do I take the challenge and train for this new role and develop my career further. I have no intention of ever becoming a head teacher but have always had an interest in special needs, I am already trained as an Irlens screener and reading recovery would complement this.

Also what happens if the government cut funding and my position goes? Will they find me something else? Lots of questions but exciting opportunities hopefully.

We did however come up with some great ideas to teach my class after half term with the other teacher. Our topic is Wild Things and we are going to use safari parks as our starter. I'm actually looking forward to going back even though I know I will miss my gorgeous daughter loads.

Happy Half Birthday

Tomorrow Olivia is 6 months old and I still can't believe how much my life has changed. From when I first found out I was pregnant - we were picking up our new car that day (perhaps we should have got a 5 door!). Mr T telling his dad on the phone (in-laws live in South Africa) me telling my parents and my younger sister but swearing them to secrecy from everyone else. Having to tell work when I was 6 weeks pregnant because I was struggling badly with sickness and needed my teaching assistants support should I need to leave the room quickly!

Then when she was born and the first few scary days in SCBU to first bringing her home. She slept for 5 hours solid that night it was lovely, such a shame it didn't last. We had the normal newborn issues - struggling to settle her at night, is she getting enough food, am I feeding her often enough, what to do when they get a cold etc. Our sling came in very handy in the early days to calm her down and get her to nap - they have amazing magical sleeping powers.

I used to take Olivia to church in her sling and she would sleep through an hour and half service. She went from 9 days old and I'm sure she was about 3 months old before she was awake during the service. Now she talks through the service!

She has changed in so many ways and seems to learn something new everyday. She has a range of sounds which include growling and squealing, she can sit up on her own and is very close to rolling over.

Her personality is really coming through and she is quite a cheeky little girl - if daddy picks her up she manages to shuffle herself so she is standing on his knees and then bounces up and down! She has also learnt to move caterpillar style across her cot or the room on her back. So at night I put her feet at the foot of her cot when I go in to check she is the other end of her cot!

She has taken to chewing my shoulder whenever I pick her up and hiding her head in my neck if someone talks to her, then she will turn back and smile!

We recently started to wean her baby led style and she is developing some great motor skills although it still takes a few attempts to find her mouth rather than her cheek, ear or eye! We have tried: cucumber, broccoli, pear, banana, plum, potato wedges, bread sticks, rice cakes, toast, scotch pancakes, dragon fruit and yoghurt. Tomorrow we are trying porridge pancakes. I have bought sweet potatoes and some butternut squash to experiment with as well as planning to make some casseroles so she can start having complete dinners. I'm not sure how much she is actually eating but she gets very cross if I am eating and she doesn't have anything to try.

I have also changed during this time I am back to my pre pregnancy weight but my clothes still don't fit, I am a completely different body shape and my boobs are a lot bigger still! I am more confident in my abilities and am learning to trust my instincts however it helps that I have a sister that is a nursery nurse and my other sister has two children. So plenty of advice if I need it.

In a months time I return to work full time and things will change again. I don't want to miss out on all the new things Olivia learns but I also know that our time together will be even more special. I am looking forward to seeing how things change in the next 6 months although I hope they don't pass as quickly as the last 6 months.

Quiet weekend

Well the weekend started with a whirlwind of activity. First a trip to pick up my Husbands new car (Toyota iq) so that when I return to work I can take Olivia to nursery and get to work on time without having to worry about getting Mr T to work as well. We then had to take Olivia for her swimming lesson.

She has had 4/5 lessons now and each week you can see her confidence growing. Today the babies were starting to learn the skill of holding on to the side. This should mean that they have the vital skill of finding an edge to hold on to should they ever fall into the water. This is Daddy's time with Olivia so I get the job of changing her before and after the lesson. next week I get the chance to take her in for her lesson as Mr T is at work.

We are now back home and Olivia is sleeping soundly in her pushchair (Olivia refuses to sleep in her cot during the day without a fight), Mr T is on the late shift so won't be home until after 10 tonight. So I am enjoying the peace and quiet drinking tea and eating rich tea biscuits!

Tomorrow Daddy is at work all day and won't be back again until after 10, so the plan is to go to church and hope Olivia behaves through the service (she has just stopped sleeping through the services) and then we have the afternoon to do what we like. If the weather is nice we may go to the park but forecast is saying rain. So not sure what we will do I'm up for any suggestions.

Have a lovely Bank Holiday weekend x

New ways

Since having Olivia I have been amazed at how different everyday activities are. Going shopping is a whole new experience with a buggy or even a sling.

Before leaving the house there are the questions, such as, how many nappies, wipes and muslin cloths do I need? Have I got a spare outfit in case of leaking nappies? Have I put the nappy cream, hand gel, gloves, hats etc in? Sometimes it would be easier having a suitcase of things just in case! Then there is the issue of the weather and what to dress Olivia in (snowsuit, cosy toes, coat, blanket, extra cardigan), will I need the rain cover or a sunshade? All this before I even find my purse and house keys.

When we finally leave the house, after a final feed and nappy change, we then have to manoeuvre the pushchair through the front door and onto the pavement. It is only since having to push the pushchair along the pavements that I have noticed how hard it can be to get around some of the obstacles. I now look for dropped kerbs so that I can cross the road easily (even when I am on my own)and don't get me started on people walking towards me and expecting me to move into the road so they can get past!

So I eventually get into town and we come across more difficulties. Shop assistants who see you struggling through the narrow gaps between racks of clothes and stopping right in front of you to tidy up a rack of clothes! I have often looked into a shop, decided that I couldn't be bothered to attempt to squeeze round the shop, turned round and gone somewhere else. This is my new way of saving money!

So generally my trips into town are just a long winded way to get Olivia to sleep in her pushchair while I get cross with people and objects getting in my way! There is a lot to be said about using a sling except then where would I put my shopping (no pushchair handles to hang from) and my sling no longer has its sleep inducing powers!

The beginning

Olivia is my first child and boy has my life been changed by her arrival. She was born in early November 3 day overdue. She weighed in at 9lb 3oz which came as a big surprise to everyone as I am only 5ft1 and the midwife had reassured me that she was going to be a 7-8lb baby! the bonus of a bigger baby is how robust she seemed, when I met the newborns of the parents at my NCT class their tiny babies seemed so fragile. Now at 24 weeks Olivia is actually the smallest of all the babies weighing in at 14lb 5oz. She obviously put on all her weight when she was in the womb so doesn't feel the need to put it on now!

I went into pregnancy with rose tinted glasses - how hard could it really be? Well I hated it! I was constantly feeling nauseous or being sick. I slept for England for most of the beginning of my pregnancy and just generally felt uncomfortable for the last trimester. I got so fed up with people telling me that I should enjoy it and they loved being pregnant. I now know that it does end (whilst going through it I thought would never end) and the end result is well worth it. I now also have a lot more sympathy for pregnant women. It can be very hard and I didn't have many of the issues some people do.

However I now find it hard to remember some of my issues with pregnancy and also the birth (this might have something to do with the gas and air and the pethidine!) My first night with O ended with her being taken to SCBU and me spending the night on a ward with lots of screaming babies and one mother who snored loudly throughout the whole night - I hope her baby didn't wake because she certainly didn't.

The hospital moved me the next day to the ward with all the expectant mums as O was still in special care. So rather than screaming babies I was listening to the heart beats being monitored, people having contractions etc. But this was miles better than babies crying and knowing that I couldn't hold mine. We spent a lot of the day in SCBU with O and they actively encouraged me to continue feeding her. At night they would ring my ward for me to go down and feed her. So cue me walking through the hospital in my nightclothes in the middle of the night.

Olivia was born with polycythema - which effectively means she had too much haemoglobin which thickened her blood making her heart work too hard to pump the blood round. She had very purple hands and feet and lips. So they removed 80ml of her blood and replaced it with saline solution. She was then put on antibiotics and also treated for jaundice. She seemed to enjoy sunbathing under the lights! After 36 hours she was allowed out of SCBU and back onto the ward with me - new ward with mothers and babies again. We were in hospital for 5 days during which time she was on antibiotics every 6 hours.

The most heart breaking bit of it all was watching the nurses trying to insert a cannula into your newborn baby and failing to do it. My poor baby looked like a pin cushion and was covered in bruises. Luckily she has no ongoing problems and we have been reassured that she shouldn't need any further treatment.

So it begins

Having read lots of other blogs I decided to give it a go.

A bit about me first - I am 31 and have been married for 2 1/2 years. We are parents to Olivia. She was born in November 2009 and having her has completely changed my life. Before O I was a busy primary school teacher who worked too many hours! Now I am first a mum and second a teacher. I will be returning to work in early June but before then I am determined to enjoy my time watching my beautiful daughter change everyday.

O has recently learnt to sit up by herself although we still have to catch her if she happens to lean to far for an interesting object! We are still waiting for the elusive rolling over! She loves jumping in her Jumperoo and chats quite happily most of the day. Recently she has decided that she doesn't like settling herself to sleep at night anymore but we are working on that one! She generally wakes twice in the night although we can sometimes get every three hours waking as well. However the smiles and giggles more than make up for the broken sleep. The best sound in the world is her laugh.

Now that O is 24 weeks and sitting up we have decided to start weaning her. We have decided to follow baby led weaning which basically means that rather than giving baby rice and puree we follow her lead and offer her food as we would eat it and let her decide whether she wants to eat it and how much she wants. At the moment it is all about playing and getting used to textures and flavours rather than actually eating any of it. O will continue to get her nutritional needs from her milk.

So far we have had mixed results but she seems to prefer sitting in her bumbo and playing with food rather than in her high chair. We have tried banana, pear, baby sweetcorn, carrot, and today toast. We also have let her have a baby rice cake and a piece of rusk. Banana went down quite well the second time we gave it to her because we left some skin on so it was easier for her to hold (not so slimey) and the toast was sucked to death today.

it is incredible to see her trying these new flavours and must be very strange for her after only really ever having had breast milk.

I am hoping to use this blog as a record of Olivia's journey as well as our journey as a family as I return to full time work and try to develop a great work/life balance that will benefit us all and give Olivia the best start we can offer her.