Happy New Year!

Another year has started - what will it bring? The old year has gone but the memories are still there - My little girl has changed from a newborn into a toddler she started 2010 as an 8 week old and ended it almost 14 months old.  In the past 12 months she has learnt to roll, crawl, walk. She will eat almost anything although appears to dislike rice so much that they don't even try to give it to her at nursery!

Olivia is much more interactive with a cheeky sense of humour and loves to laugh at Mummy and Daddy being silly (the things we do to make our children laugh!)  She has seen lots of snow although she wasn't impressed and spent many hours without her Mummy while I have continued to work full time.

I have liked being back at work although it isn't great - the Reading Recovery is great and I really enjoy it but the afternoons covering other teachers and teaching whole classes I find tough - the children treat me as a supply teacher so behaviour is appalling and I have questioned my ability many a time already since September.  I would love to just teach in the mornings doing 1-1 reading recovery  but we can't afford it, so I will just have to get on with it.

Anyway back to the new year:

I have joined a group that encourages taking a photo every day/week or whenever in the hope that I can improve my photography skills.
I am going to complete my training as a Reading Recovery teacher and possibly look for a new job that will suit me better.
I would like to get fit - this involves me finding motivation
I would also like to write some interesting blog posts and a bit more often - maybe I should aim for 1 a week at least.
Most importantly I want to be a great Mummy and wife.

So Happy New Year and may all your dreams come true x

Here is my beautiful daughter recovering from a late night celebrating the new year!

Catch Up

I've not been around much full time work and a little one don't leave a lot of time however I seem to spend a lot of time on the internet wasting time!  Well the anti-depressants seem to be working I haven't cried at work for a while now although  I haven't had to teach the class from hell for a while due to their teacher being off sick so that could have helped.

Olivia is 13 months old her birthday was great I couldn't believe how excited I was for someone elses birthday and I am beginning to become excited about Christmas for her.  She is an absolute delight - she walks and jabbers all day.  She is fascinated by electronic things and if she could write a letter to Santa it would include an ipod touch, a mobile that lights up not like the old one without a battery! (She managed to unlock my phone today and call daddy!) a remote control and a laptop!

I was worried with going back to work I would miss lots of her firsts but as far as I know the only first I missed was her rolling, she has been kind enough to learn to crawl and walk when Mummy has been around.  She has also recently learnt to roar when she sees a lion or a tiger.  She is completely unimpressed by all the snow we have had a bit like me really although it did give me 2 extra days off at the beginning of the month.

Now I plan to enjoy my break and want to wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year x

I did it!

Today I took a big step and finally went to the doctor to admit I was struggling.  I have spent the past few months hoping it would go away and telling myself to pull myself together.  However when I arrived at my mums to drop off O this morning in tears I had to admit to her how I have been feeling and she made me call the doctor to make an appointment.

So this morning I went to see the doctor and explained how I felt - I filled in a questionnaire and the doctor agreed that I was depressed - not majorly but enough to warrant a small dose of anti-depressants.

I don't know how I feel having admitted it  but I hope this is the start of things improving and me becoming myself again.

It's been a while!

Firstly apologies for not being around for a while time is flying by and to be honest I am finding it tough being a Mummy and working full time.  I am exhausted a lot of the time.  I have a few posts that I need to write so will try and do those over the next few days/weeks.

I'm on a funny place at the moment and I'm worrying myself.  So I am hoping if I write things down I can get a new perspective on things.

So things have been stressful we had Ofsted visit at the end of last term so it was all very hectic and stressful at work - I haven't posted about it until the official report was out (on the website today I think) any way we scrapped a satisfactory which is quite impressive as by the middle of day 1 of a 2 day inspection the inspectors were thinking of putting us into special measures!  The whole school worked extremely hard and I was the only teacher to not be observed so I had two days of waiting to be observed and it never happened!  I hardly saw my family for 5/6 days and after the inspectors had gone I just wanted to sleep!

Talking of my job this is something that I think is affecting my mental state at the moment - I love doing Reading Recovery which I do every morning the 1-1 teaching is great and the children are making great progress and are lovely.  However I hate hate hate what I do in the afternoon - I release the other teachers so they can do PPA or have some time for the subjects the co-ordinate etc.  So I am effectively a supply teacher in the afternoon (this is how the children view me) and the behaviour I have to deal with is appalling and it is knocking my confidence - I taught an extremely tough class full time for 2 years before I went on maternity leave so I know I can do it so why can't I teach a class of children for an afternoon without a fight breaking out?  One class in particular I find incredibly tough and I know their teacher does now.  The last day before the holidays I spent in tears at the thought of teaching them I was so bad I got sent home from work as I just couldn't face the class.

Which brings me on to my next point I seem to be close to tears a lot of the time - why am I allowing my job to affect me so much? I thought it was pmt as it seems that for the past couple of months I have spent the day before my period started in tears.  But recently it has been other times of the month and a lot of the time I have no idea why I am feeling so sad - Sometimes I just want to stay in bed and ignore that I have a gorgeous, funny and delightful daughter and a wonderful husband.  It is all too much effort! Is it exhaustion or is it something else?  Do I just need to pull myself together and get on with it and stop being so silly?

I'm sorry if this is a ramble but as I said at the start I needed to get it out in the hope I can start to feel better.

Inspection!

So we have had the phonecall at school - the inspectors are coming to visit.  All hands on deck since the phone call last Friday - most staff in over the weekend and late tonight getting the school ready for our visitors.  Take us as we are we work extremely hard with some difficult children, but that's not enough for Ofsted we have to prove how hard we work and how much paperwork we are doing and how we are using it to inform our planning, teaching etc.  I can't write much more, no time, no energy, no idea what to write.  Maybe once the visitors have left maybe I can write a bit more but only after I have slept.

Poorly sick!

We have been very lucky so far with Olivia and not had any major illnesses the occasional cold but nothing more. However it appears she is like her mummy and when she gets a cough she takes ages to get rid of it. Last time we ended up with simple linctus to help her shift it.

Anyway a few weeks ago she had a cold with coincided with getting her tooth this also came with a cough - a vapouriser in the bed room helped us to deal with this. I know it is suggested to raise one end of the cot but Olivia wiggles so much that she ends up sideways often at the top or bottom of the cot so raising one end won't work with her. We thought we had shifted the cold but now she is off her food and not drinking as much milk and that horrible cough is back so much so she threw up in the car the other day so I had to clean the car seat cover and figure out how to remove it and put it back on! She has managed to be sick at least once a day since and now she is weaned it is horrible - I'm not good with sick but have been surprised at how well I have coped.

Now I am back at work I have to rely on others to tell me how my daughter is and I know she has had a temperature at times this week as well. Anyway today I have been home alone with her as Mr T is on a long overnight shift so is at work for 24 hours. The only time Olivia has let me put her down today has been when she has had a nap! This isn't like my independent little girl who can get annoyed if you interrupt her playing! She has snuggled on my lap and watched the tv or played with her toys on my lap but woe betide if you try and put her on the floor to play. She did have a 2 hour nap this afternoon (unheard of since the newborn days!)maybe that was the calpol.

She is now in her cot fast asleep hopefully until the morning. Anyway I am blaming teeth for all this but how long do I leave it before taking her to the doctors?

A new start

Term started on Wednesday with the children starting yesterday. It felt weird not having a class to greet and I still don't have a base so am camped out in the staff room carry my belongings to and fro in the car - this is quite hard when I have the pushchair in there as well! I spent Wednesday listening to other teachers discussing what their plans for their classes are and yesterday I spent stamping books and doing my homework ready for my course today (typical had a whole holiday to do my homework and leave it until the day before!).

I found the reading I had to do very difficult as it just didn't make sense - Luckily today we have had the opportunity to discuss and so things are a lot clearer now.

My training will take a whole year with courses one afternoon every fortnight - I am training whilst doing the job and can't wait to get on with this fantastic opportunity. I will hopefully be having a huge impact on some of the lowest ability children (often the hardest to teach). It is going to be very intense and a steep learning curve for both me and the pupils I end up working with but I am ready for this challenge.

When not doing Reading Recovery (every morning) I will be teaching a range of whole classes throughout the school allowing the other teachers to have their much needed time to plan, prepare and assess. It will be great to work across the school and get to know a wide range of children.

Now how do I fit in all my studying as well as be a good mummy?